Low Maintenance Friends

As the years pass us by, at some points along the way God gives us seasons for reflection. In my life, these are usually times when the pace of life slows down due either to vacation or illness. Just now Cherylyn and I are enjoying the former while trying to avoid the later! And I've been reflecting on what real friends look like, and how my life is increasingly buoyed by, and dependent on, what they bring to my me.

I have come to see, over time, that not all friends are the kinds of friends that promote life and health and the pursuit of happiness. Some friends are draining. Their selfishness and constant need cause the joy and energy of life to evaporate at an alarming rate even as their longstanding position as "friend" means that you can't either leave or slap 'em. We all have them. We all try to avoid them. But we all know that these kings of friends will shrivel without us, and so we continue to care for, and about them, and suffer the energy-draining consequences. I call these kinds of friends "high maintenance" friends. Of course, they would explode to know that this is how I see them, but it helps me all the same.

On the other end of the friend spectrum are "low maintenance" friends. You know these folks, and you also agree with me that they are worth the world. These are the people whose lives don't leak, and so time spent together can be so mutually rewarding. They bring energy, and infuse their surroundings with life. By virtue of their mature and healthy lives, they invest in others without effort, making those blessed to be in relationship with them better and better and better. They are emotional vitamins, the relational "green tea" of life. And they take almost no maintenance! They don't crab when you don't call; they remain friends regardless of disappointment or distance. They are worth the world, and you need all you can get!

And so, at this time of life, as I am transitioning from one comfortable nest to - I hope! - another, I am counting on my LMFs to do their thing. I am also considering carefully how I can be the LMF my friends need. If it is true (as some relational gurus insist) that we are like legos, with a finite number of "connection points", then I just want to put the world on notice that I only have space left for LMFs in my private world. Of course, I will always make time for those who need what Christ may be pleased to do through me; but when it comes to real friendship - the kind that turns a free Friday into a group activity - only LMFs need apply.

Hope this helps,

David