The Meaning of Commitment
Maybe it was the most recent celebrity micro-marriage, and
then again, maybe it was the protracted labor negotiations between those who
put on the show called professional basketball. I’m not sure where it started
but it hit me one day that the whole topic of commitment has been skewed so far
away from its original moorings that it is hard to find in our society today.
Commitment has always been an essential value in my life. I
was raised to be thoughtful before making a promise, but then once made, to be
tenacious in fulfilling it. My father was big on perseverance, and he never
missed a chance to push that value deeper and deeper into my soul. And it
didn’t take long for me to realize that the whole idea of commitment
presupposed that, at some point, the commitment would entail continuing when
you felt like quitting. There is a real difference between a commitment, which
is a promise or an agreement, and commitment, which is the value of sticking to
your promise even when it hurts.
There’s an old motivational humor piece that might shed some
light on this area. If you order ham and eggs for breakfast here’s what you’ll
find: the chicken made a contribution, but the pig made a commitment!
Today commitment, or perhaps better, the value of
perseverance under trial and pain, is in short supply. Marriages now might last
no longer than a good cup of coffee simply because one of the spouses just
“isn’t feeling it anymore.” And since when does someone making millions playing
a game feel they have the right to keep thousands of common folks from making a
paycheck, and millions more from enjoying some entertainment simply because
they no longer like the agreement they made a few years back? What is wrong
with us? How come we can’t keep promises? Are we becoming so addicted to
happiness that we flinch and flee at the first sign of adversity?
From my seat in the bleachers of society here’s what I see.
I believe we are losing an important value today that undergirds the whole area
of commitment. That value is the good of the many being of greater importance
than the pleasure of self. Commitment will mean that, at some point, I will
need to keep my promise simply because it is better for others if I do, even if
it hurts me. That’s true of marriage and it is especially true if you have
children. The best thing a father can do for his kids is keep his commitment to
their mother, to stay in the marriage and act the part of a loving, providing,
protecting husband.
Unfortunately, we are watching our society become one where
the individual trumps the group. A few years ago we were told to look out for
#1, to pull our own strings, and to focus our lives on our own wellbeing. Well,
guess what? We’ve gotten really good at all that, and now we have a society
that is increasingly self-centered and pain-averse. If the wellbeing of the
individual is the highest societal value, then the society is certain to
dissolve into a million parts. As soon as the good of the group brings pain to
the individual, most will opt out of their commitment in order to pursue
personal happiness. Only as the individuals are hardy enough to put self aside
in favor of doing the hard things it takes to be a successful nation will any
society flourish.
Right now, on so many fronts, we are at a crucial decision
point. And the decision isn’t political or ideological. I think it is personal
and ethical. It is a decision that each of us has to make, and then become
courageously committed to. It is a decision to be people that are willing to
make individual sacrifices for the good of others, for the good of the
marriage, the family, the neighborhood, and the country. And of course you
would expect me to preach this kind of thing given that my Boss once left glory
to take on flesh so that He could sacrifice His own life in order to bring
forgiveness and eternal life to us. Now that’s what I mean by commitment.
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